deathbattlefanonfandomcom-20200213-history
User blog:Friendlysociopath/Friendly Deathrace
Friendly Deathrace is a blog about a special What-If Deathbattle that involves several combatants, that have vehicles and weapons, being placed onto a track and racing against one another for the win. - Intro Wiz: Racing, a sport of tension, danger, and speed. Boomstick: Made all the better when you give the racers weapons! Wiz: Today at Deathbattle we're bringing you something different- a Death Race. Boomstick: Impending violence, fast vehicles and fast women, bring on the girl in short shorts with the checkered flag! Wiz: Now before we get into the racers- there are some rules we need to lay down. Boomstick: What? Rules? Nooooooo! Wiz: Rule #1. While it is a Death Race- the goal is to win the race- not kill all of your opponents. First one across the finish line wins- regardless of their kill count. Boomstick: Rule #2. The driver needs their vehicle with them in order to finish the race. If their vehicle is destroyed- they're done... and hopefully dead and mangled! Wiz: Rule #3 Contestants who "pick-up" weapons and abilities will intead be given one of each item. That way "random" power-ups are nullified. Boomstick: Screw your blue shell! And don't think I forgot who won Mario Kart, Michael! Wiz: And finally, Rule #4. Going off-course to a degree is allowed so long as the contestants do not seek to circumvent the entire track. We expect people to be knocked off and take shortcuts- that's perfectly acceptable. Sweet Tooth Vehicle: Sweet Tooth Driver: Needles Kane Series: Twisted Metal Top Speed: 60/125 mph Durability: High Weapons: Machineguns, rockets, mines The mad Needles Kane rides Sweet Tooth to the Death Race- bringing pain, death, and Twisted Metal. With his ice-cream truck full of weapons and armor- he is a force to be reckoned with. Should things get ugly and violent (just how he likes it) the car can transform into a flying mech to dish out serious punishment. In Twisted Metal fashion, the car also comes with several special abilities Kane can activate like jumping through the air, freezing missles, or leaving mines on the road. Tumbler Vehicle: Tumbler Driver: Batman Series: Dark Knight Trilogy Top Speed: 160mph Durability: High Weapons: Rockets, autocannons, explosive caltrops Batman rides the Tumbler into the Death Race The Batmobile comes with a variety of gadgets and special equipment that gives it something for almost any situation. It even has a get-out-of-jail-free card in that sufficient damage will cause the vehicle to separate into the Bat-Pod- effectively giving Batman a 2nd chance to finish the race. Add in the jet engine and the tank armor and you have the contestant this race deserves- but not the one it needs. K.I.T.T. Vehicle: K.I.T.T. Driver: Michael Knight Series: Knight Rider (2008) Top Speed: 200/300 mph Durability: Medium Weapons: Rockets, minigun, flamethrower, KITT rides into the Death Race. He may have a driver- but this car is capable of taking the race all on his own. With several modes to adapt to all situations- KITT is a formidable opponent with a lot of tricks up his sleeve- er- trunk. In adition to all of his toys, perhaps most interesting is his molecular skin- allowing him to fix any damage the vehicle withstands and just keep on driving. Mach 5 Vehicle: Mach 5 Driver: Go Mifune Series: Speed Racer Top Speed: 330 mph Durability: Low Weapons: Rotary saws, homing robot Go Go Go Speed Racer! Go Mifune rides the Mach 5 into the Death Race- bringing some old school charm and a lot of speed to the table. While younger than most of the other contestants, he has much more racing experience and a car built to go fast, making him a potent adversary in this deadliest of races. Fenrir Vehicle: Fenrir Driver: Cloud Strife Series: Final Fantasy VII Top Speed: 250 mph Durability: Low Weapons: Sword, materia Cloud rides Fenrir into the Death Race. A bold and dangerous strategy. Unlike the other competitors- Cloud is incredibly exposed to the outside elements and his vehicle is quite easy to damage and destroy. That's not to say Cloud is defenseless- Fenrir can take a good bit pf punishment for a motorcycle and Cloud himself is able to deflect or block much of what attacks him. However, as it is a race, destroying Fenrir is enough to remove Cloud from the race- regardless of whether he survives or not. This applies to all other competitors as well. Opel Astra Extreme Vehicle: Opel Astra Extreme Driver: Shannon Series: Blur Top Speed: 180/225mph Durability: Medium Weapons: Variety of energy projectiles, EMP lightning columns, shockwaves, mines Shannon drifts her Astra Extreme into the Death Race. As a Blur vehicle- she uses several types of energy projectiles to damage other vehicles. Some are straight shots, others are AoE blasts, and she even has a homing option as well. She can also use a shield and repair kit to keep her car in working condition. As the #1 racer in Blur- she is a force to be reckoned with. Let's Race! The 6 contestants are arrayed in a line, revving their engines and preparing to start the race. Several vehicles shoot out smoke and exhaust as their engines prepare for the adventure before them. In the Tumbler, Batman straightens his gloves and does a last-minute system check. Batman: "All I have to do is finish the race- if my fuel holds out and I don't take more damage than I can withstand..." Meanwhile on the other side of the pack, Kane's flaming head was leaning out the window as he taunted Cloud- who was to his left, and Speed Racer- who was on his right. Kane: "I don't know which is more fun to kill- small children like you or pretty boys like you! Maybe I'll get lucky and I can gut you both!" Cloud barely looked at the clown, instead pulling his goggles over his eyes. "Not interested." Kane pulled out a magnum and aimed it at Cloud. Kane: "How about I end you right now you little bitch?" Cloud stared back, stonefaced. "Do as you please." Kane's fury rose, the little shit wasn't afraid of him at all! He leaned out the other side of his truck and screamed obscenities at Go Mifune on the other side while waving his pistol in the air. That prompted a much more satisfying reaction as Go flinched and ducked down into his seat. Boomstick: The racers are set- Lakitu- prepare the starting light! Wiz: Boom- what are you doing? Boomstick: We're commentating this shit! ' Lakitu flies down on his cloud to float in front of the racers- holding the light. ''Red Go sat up straighter- racing was his life- this is what he did! Red KITT scanned the nearby cars as he reported to Michael. KITT: "Michael- be careful- these vehicles are unusual." Red Shannon sorted through her power-ups, pleased that she wouldn't have to worry about going out of her way for them. Green! As the light flashed green, Needles shot Lakitu in the face with his revolver, laughing as all 6 vehicles surged forwards to begin the Death Race. '''Boomstick: And they're off! Wiz: Noooo- Lakitu... Boomstick: He'll be fine- come on Wiz- look at the race! The racers tore off through the course- riding alongside a road that overlooked a river. Go Mifune began to pull ahead of Needles Kane- enraging the clown. Kane: "No you don't you little-" A burst of blue energy fired from Sweet Tooth- homing in on the Mach 5. Boomstick: Oh- the Freeze Shot! Wiz: That'll stop the Mach 5 dead if it hits! The homing energy nailed the Mach 5- causing the car to stall out near the edge of the cliff that overlooked the nearby river. Mifune frantically tried to restart his engine before he looked into his mirrors and saw Sweet Tooth charging towards him with turbo-blazing. WHAM Sweet Tooth crashed into the Mach 5- driving it straight off the edge and into the river- where it quickly submerged. Kane: "Take that bitch!" Boomstick: That's unfortunate. Wiz: But wait- look there! A hundred yards down the road, the Mach 5 pops out of the water and back onto the track, stunning Kane. Wiz: The Mach 5's underwater features came in handy I see. Boomstick: Kane's gonna be pissed. Kane: "What the fuck!?" Shannon drove past- activating her Barge power-up to drive Sweet Tooth off the edge himself- only through frantically applying the brakes and activating his turbo again did Kane barely avoid being tossed into the same waters he had condemned Mifune to. Kane: "What the fuck!?" Boomstick: Wiz look- up near the front- Batman's gunning for Cloud! It was true- the Tumbler was lining up behind Cloud's bike. Batman: "Sorry- but you brought a bike to a car race." The Tumbler fired its machineguns towards Fenrir. Batman was surprised as the sides opened up and Cloud whipped out a massive sword to deflect the shots. Batman grimly kept on the firing. Batman: "Another superhuman..." Both of the two swerved out of the way as KITT screamed past in his attack mode- pumping his turbo for more speed. KITT: "A shame really- all these fancy cars and not one other AI?" Boomstick: KITT has taken the lead! He's out in front! Wiz: Shannon's right behind! Shannon selected the Shunt power-up. A crimson ball of energy fired from her car- racing along the track towards KITT. KITT: "Michael- I can't shake it off- it's locked on!" The blast struck the car- sending it flying through the air and slamming into the wall. The crumpled metal began reforming as KITT gunned his engines to get back into the race. Michael shook his head- blood streaming down his temple. Michael: "KITT- you okay?" KITT: "Always." Boomstick: Nanomachines son. Wiz: Looks like Kane is catching up! It was true- through all of the shenanigans and violence, the slowest member of the race was continuing to be a menace to the other racers. Everyone was relatively close to one another as they passed the first possible shortcut- though a massive tree barred the path. Go Mifune grabbed the gearshift and twisted it- sending the Mach 5 sailing through the air. Needles activated his jump move- sailing over the tree as well. Shannon cursed and whirled off to the side- as did Batman. KITT and Cloud raced towards the tree at top speeds. Wiz: I can't watch! Boomstick: Just do it! KITT activated his turbo before using his jump jets- flying over the tree. Cloud brought out his sword and slashed through the trunk cleanly- driving past without an issue. Boomstick: Can he do that? Wiz: Don't look at me- it was your idea to add him. Boomstick: We needed a biker! All good racing games and movies have someone with a bike! Shannon was driving well- drafting around the corners with ease- her racing experience evident as she wasted no time or energy when taking the corners. She flew past the shortcut just as Kane finished jumping off the ramp right behind her. Mifune's car was visibly spinning off to the side- Sweet Tooth had smashed into him and knocked him over. Shannon and Kane approached a turn at breakneck speeds. Boomstick: Uh oh. Kane: "Eat this!" A bright red rocket fired from the front of Sweet Tooth. Boomstick: Power missile! It's headed right for the corner! Wiz: Shannon can't drift around the corner and avoid the missile! Shannon took the turn wide as the power missile screamed towards her- activating the Nitro in reverse. Kane's jaw dropped as the vehicle came to a complete standstill for a moment- allowing the power missile to whip past her and hit a watchtower in the distance- blasting it into rubble. Shannon's car stood still long enough for her to raise a hand and wave at Kane before launching her forwards at top speed. Leaving Kane in the dust. Kane: "What the FUCK?!" Boomstick: Good use of Nitro. Wiz: Most racers can only use turbo or nitro to go faster- Shannon however can use it to make tight turns and very precise maneuvers like that as well. Shannon had caught back up to the front of the pack while Batman drew closer to Sweet Tooth. The machineguns of the Tumbler fired out again, this time digging into the metal of Kane's car. Batman: "An ice cream truck?" Kane: "Fuck you!" Kane pulled a lever, causing a mine to be released behind the vehicle. The explosion engulfed the Tumbler, but it emerged mostly intact, though damaged. Boomstick: Tank armor- gotta love it. Wiz: Quite difficult to break through without overwhelming firepower. Kane's rage climaxed- he slammed his hand onto the console of his truck- causing it to warp and shift as it transformed into a giant mech to face down the Tumbler while flying overhead. Boomstick: You had to say it. Kane: "Die!" The mech punched downwards, slamming into the Batmobile. An explosion of dirt, fire, and metal erupted into the air as vision is obscured of the event. The smoke cleared to see the mech standing amidst the remains of the Tumbler- but no Batman to be seen. Kane: "Where is he?!" The Batpod suddenly raced past his leg- cape flapping in the wind as Batman slaps an explosive to one leg in passing. The explosion causes the mech to stumble slightly, falling to one knee as Kane roared in frustration. That was when the Mach 5 made a beeline straight for the leg- bringing out his saws and cutting straight through the limb. While staggered before- now the mech outright collapsed as Kane struggled with the controls. Boomstick: Kane's in trouble! Wiz: Look- the other racers! KITT whizzed past Sweet Tooth. Kane immediately emptied the rest of his missiles at KITT. Fire, Power, Homing, SAT, he didn't give a fuck! KITT deployed his flares- causing the homing and fire missiles to aim at the wrong target as he swerved and spun to avoid most of the damage. A few missiles slammed into his body but his nanotech repaired the damage quickly. KITT: "That was a close one." KITT let fly with two missiles of his own- both slamming straight into the mech's "head" and knocking it prone again. Kane flailed at his controls before glancing behind him to see if he could run out on foot and maybe kill someone. His eyes widened as Cloud emerged from the woods- weapon bared as he raced directly over the mech- driving his sword straight through it as he ramped off the top and went sailing through the air. The mech exploded behind him- pieces of flaming car and a broken and bent version of Sweet Tooth's head flying past him before he landed and gunned the engines to catch up to the others. Boomstick: Kane bit the dust- Sweet Tooth is out! Wiz: Lakitu has just informed me that he will be pressing charges against Kane if he survived that. Boomstick: No time for that now- back to the mayhem! The racers had reformed into a more stable order as they reached the forgotten ruins portion of the race- the narrow stone roads making the track only wide enough to accomodate two cars side by side. Go Mifune and KITT were riding up towards the front, followed by Cloud and Batman riding their bikes- Shannon brought up the rear. Shannon fired several bolts forwards: one careened past the two bikers and slammed into a wall, one was slashed out of the air by Cloud, and the other struck Batman's tire squarely- forcing the Dark Knight to swerve as he wrestled his vehicle for control. Cloud seized the opportunity to ride close and engage the sword-holders on Fenrir, the doors on either side sprang outwards with extreme force, knocking the precariously balanced Batpod into a wall and causing him to spin out. Before Shannon could pass him, Batman threw out a series of caltrops, causing her tires to shred. His victory was short-lived as a yellow glow enfused her car, repairing the damage that had been inflicted on her. Up ahead- Mifune was pulling ahead of KITT with his natural speed- KITT's turbo had been used up. KITT: "Michael- if we don't act soon- he'll win. The finish line is only around the next few turns!" Category:Blog posts